Self-Love vs Selfish Love

Posted in Life
on February 14, 2017
Self-Love vs Selfish Love

Valentine’s Day is generally looked upon as a day where couples celebrate their love and affection for one another. It’s a day in which romantic gifts are exchanged and people across the world stealthily devise well thought out date nights to show their significant other just how much they mean to them. It’s also a day that happens to be celebrated at what you might consider a peculiar time on the calendar.

Falling smack dab in the middle of Black History Month, a time where we celebrate the achievements, culture, history & heritage of the black race and essentially promote self love within the black community, I cannot help but to juxtapose both celebrations and observe the stark contrasts present between the concepts promoted by the two celebrations, respectively.

First, we have the concept of outwardly directed love, as is celebrated on Valentine’s Day. Then, we have the concept of inwardly directed love, as is promoted by the celebration of Black History Month. I plead that you do not misinterpret this point to think this writing is simply about the difference between Valentine’s Day and Black History Month. The greater focus here is on the differences between selfishly seeking the love of others and self love. We’ve all heard the clichΓ© “You can’t love anyone until you love yourself”. I’ve heard this statement countless times for Lord knows how many years but it truly becomes a life shifting phenomenon when one comes to understand this truth from a place of personal experience.

I’m certain most if not all of us who have had experiences in the world of dating have celebrated a Valentine’s Day or multiple Valentine’s Days with someone who we felt was “the one” or made us feel “complete”. The sad truth about looking outside of one’s self for personal completion is that you will never find it. On the other hand, the happy truth about searching within in an attempt to find that elusive feeling of completeness is that with persistence and dogged determination you are sure to tap into that reservoir of self-sufficiency that we are all born with but often are unaware exists because we are taught almost from birth that love is only to be found without and not within. Happy truth number two is that it is never too late to begin that journey of searching within for that feeling of completeness we all pine for deep down within.

To put it more plainly, ask yourself “how I can give someone something that I do not even have myself”. πŸ€” It is impossible to pour from an empty pitcher. That being understood, the primary focus of the genuine seeker of true love should be to fill themselves up with so much self love that their cup runneth over. The result will be a feeling above and beyond anything you could ever have dreamed of. Not only will you realize that feeling of completion we all so desperately seek but you will find that, like a magnet, you will begin to effortlessly attract the exact kind of love that you genuinely need as opposed to the kind of love that you thought you needed. This may come to you in the form of a romantic relationship or it may come in the form of a deep, soul stirring friendship. Ultimately, the sooner you start the journey of unconditionally loving you the sooner you will realize this amazing feeling of undisturbed joy and utter completeness.

In closing I just want to sum it all up with this thought. Overdose on self love. It is the greatest joy in the entire universe. – @d_shizzzzle

My name is Derek Anthony Shaw, a.k.a. D Shizzle, and I get money. πŸ€‘

Self-Love vs Selfish Love


  • philip

    Love gives. It gives for the benefit of others. The individual shows love for each other beyond the accolade day. Just like history is constantly in the making. You need to give freely. share freely. love unconditionally.

    [PS: I wrote an article on black inventors who are have made our lives much better. ]

    February 14, 2017 at 9:36 am Reply
  • Marcie

    It’s so important to take care of yourself first! As a new mom, everyone told me to think of it like the oxygen masks on the airplane.

    February 14, 2017 at 10:56 am Reply
  • Ashley | Spit Up and Sit Ups

    I always say it’s important as a mother to make sure my glass is full to help others. We must love ourselves first before we can give love to others.

    February 14, 2017 at 2:04 pm Reply
    • Rashida


      February 23, 2017 at 8:58 pm Reply
  • Shann Eva

    Yes! Self love is essential. You really can’t give another person your full heart until you know what’s in it.

    February 14, 2017 at 10:17 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      It’s especially tough when loneliness hits, but you have to be your own best company first <3

      February 23, 2017 at 10:23 pm Reply
  • J. ivy Boyter

    Sometimes so simple a concept is the hardest to implement. As a mom, taking care of myself was the hardest thing for me to do… until I made it a habit.

    February 15, 2017 at 12:27 am Reply
    • Rashida

      You make a great point. It needs to become a habit, and that’s something I’m working on myself.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:22 pm Reply
  • Terri

    I absolutely love that quote “Overdose on self-love.” I’ve never heard it before, but I’ll definitely be applying it to others. It reminds me of the other one: You can’t help others until you help yourself.

    February 15, 2017 at 2:27 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      Thank you so much for reading, Terri!

      February 23, 2017 at 10:21 pm Reply
  • Barb

    I agree. It is so important to know and love yourself first!

    February 15, 2017 at 9:33 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      I think it’s something we have to consistently practice πŸ™‚

      February 23, 2017 at 10:21 pm Reply
  • Raluca @ Playful Notes

    I love this post and I totally agree with you! It is very important to take care of yourself all the time!

    February 15, 2017 at 10:47 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      Thank you for stopping by, Raluca!

      February 23, 2017 at 10:20 pm Reply
  • Esther

    Love this! Such a beautiful post.

    February 16, 2017 at 1:27 am Reply
    • Rashida

      Thank you!

      February 23, 2017 at 10:20 pm Reply
  • Emily Jane Jones

    Very interesting post – self love is important but I am not good at it x

    February 16, 2017 at 8:58 am Reply
    • Rashida

      Neither am I lol

      February 23, 2017 at 10:20 pm Reply
  • Vany|misscoilyhair

    I agree. You have to learn to love yourself before you can even attempt to give love. It’s not always an easy task, but so worth it.

    February 16, 2017 at 2:17 pm Reply
  • Tia | Pennies In My Pocket

    This year I definitely focused on self love. Despite being single, I feel very loved. I am blessed to have amazing friends and family who love on me daily.

    February 16, 2017 at 9:24 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      Honestly, I’m struggling a little with self-love right now & to combat that I just try to stay focused on my goals.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:19 pm Reply
  • Tiffani

    This is so true! When I say I had one of the best V-days I have had in a LONG time. Not because I got a lot of stuff or because I did a lot, but because I was in a good head space. Like I really enjoyed the day and nothing really happened really! Thanks for sharing!

    February 16, 2017 at 9:37 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      I can’t wait for that day! Until then, I’ll be loving on myself πŸ™‚

      February 23, 2017 at 10:18 pm Reply
  • La Dale Johnson

    Yup, you have to love you first AND show you that you love you lol. That gets harder to do once you start a family, but it’s a must.

    February 17, 2017 at 5:55 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      Absolutely. Gotta make it a priority.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:17 pm Reply
  • Becca @ Homemakers In Action

    I need to get better at looking after myself. I know it’s not ‘selfish’ but it does feel like it sometimes when I know there are so many other things I could be doing…

    February 18, 2017 at 1:42 am Reply
    • Rashida

      I totally understand where you’re coming from. That’s why I’m still not the best at self-care.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:16 pm Reply
  • Daisha Williams

    After I split with my kids dad back in 2014, my insecurities were at an all time high. How could I expect for someone to love me, if I couldn’t love myself. So I spent all of 2015 and 2016 focusing on ME. Being able to just devote a whole year to nurturing myself was truly the best thing I could have done for myself.

    February 18, 2017 at 10:32 am Reply
    • Rashida

      I’m in the EXACT same boat. I still feel guilt but each day it gets better. I’m trying to stay focused on myself. Not gonna lie, it’s tough.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:15 pm Reply
  • Ty

    I am all for self love…BIG TIME!! You have to do it. You can’t be good for someone else, if you aren’t good.

    February 19, 2017 at 1:33 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      Absolutely. That’s a recipe for failure.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:14 pm Reply
  • Tione

    You have made a really strong important point; one can never pour from an empty pitcher since there is nothing inside. That’s why I choose to love without conditions.

    February 19, 2017 at 9:47 pm Reply
    • Rashida

      Thanks so much for reading, Tione.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:13 pm Reply
  • Nay

    I say you fill yourself up first than when you overflow you can pour out – into others. Thus never draining yourself.

    February 20, 2017 at 12:03 am Reply
    • Rashida

      All of this.

      February 23, 2017 at 10:12 pm Reply

    Leave a Reply

    You may also like